Dr Apartment
by DARWIN51
Summary: Parody about house. CHAPTERS 2 AND 3 UP. Short stupid little thing that happens when people get bored. really funny.CHAPTER 3 IS THE BEST. because c'mon. House deserves it right now.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a parody that me and my friend made and filmed. Will be on youtube soon. Enjoy ;)**

(Innocent patients house)

Babysitter: Catch Polly!

Polly Patient: (ball bounces off face)

(shows Polly standing, then falling to the ground)

Babysitter: Oh no! Call 119!

(Babysitter pulls corded phone out of her bra)

Babysitter: Hello? 119?

(Police station, answering the call)

(Police men jump up when the phone rings with a Justin Bieber ringtone.

Policemen dance around table: The phone! The phone is ring-ING. Theres a person in trouble!

(both policemen sit and sip coffe at the same time, then slam the cups on the table at the same time, then answer the phone.

Policeman 1: Hello, 119, how may I help you?

Babysitter: Hello, 119? The girl I'm babysitting just collapsed!

Policeman 1: Okay, I'll transfer you to the Ppth (spitting noise, also Princeton Plainsboro teaching hospital) hospital.

(at Ppth, Dr Apartment's office)

Dr. Apartment: Lightheaded, Dizzy, Passing out. Go.

Team: Sicksyndrome.

Dr. Apartment: Wrong. Play again.

Team: Randomsdisease.

Dr. Apartment: Nope. SOR-ry. Go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. And, oh, while you're at it, get me an MRI.

(In the MRI)

Team member: oh no! the patients having a seizure!

(patient jerks violently and pukes blood)

Team member 2: It's okay. (yawns) doesn't it always happen?

(In Dr. Apartment's office)

Team: We did the MRI.

Dr. Apartment: you WHAT?

Team: We did the MRI, like you told us to…

Dr. Apartment: That's stupid. Since when do you do what I ask?

Team: Then how do we find out what's wrong?

Dr. Apartment: Spoiler alert…. It's Pretendinitis.

Team: You couldn't just say so?

Dr. Apartment: Well that would ruin all the fun, now wouldn't it?

(Patient's room)

Dr. Apartment: Upon further inspection, I have found the source of her problems.

Parents, Babysitter, Team, etc.: what is it?

Dr. Apartment: The problem is… ALL THESE SILLY BANDS UP HER ARM.

It cut off her circulation.

Team: how did you know that?

Dr. Apartment: because….im….. (puts on sunglasses) Dr. Apartment!

Fin.

Review? It'll make me feel good!


	2. Chapter 2

This one is just a parody of all the trailers. Works for any trailer really, not just house

(flashing lights)

(deep mysterious voice) On the next episode of House….

Flashes picture of house, eyes wide with a needle in hand

Deep voice again: See House…

Flashing lights

Cuddy, with hands over her mouth says "oh no…"

Deep voice, oh, and, whats that? Oh apparently there are sudden violins heightening (is that a word?) the suspence: "Like you've never seen him before…"

Guitar and flashing lights

Patient in bed, screaming and thrashing

"Whats happening!"

Random, unknown voice screams "Nooooooo!"

Flashing lights

House, pale and bent over his cane says "You've gotta let me do something or she's gonna DIE!"

Flashing lights

Deep voice: House. All new episode coming next year

Next YEAR?


	3. Chapter 3

I have to be honest, this is much better than chapters 1 or 2. My friend proofread it in studyhall and she couldn't stop laughing and we got yelled at….

I don't own anything, except this story, but not the characters. For all the references in this story, I don't own them either: Aladin, Avatar, Blues Clues, Kid Cuddi, Dr. Dre, Dr. Seuss, Harry Potter, The Incredibles, Cast Away, Godzilla, The Blue Man Group, Fairly Odd Parents, Smurfs, Spongebob, Lady Gaga, Eminem, Lil wayne, Pocahontas, Star Trek.

I do own the word Athwack. Just not officially. Okay I don't know if anyone owns it or not, but I googled it and says It's not a word. So I made it up. I don't own .

"Apartment!" Cuddy says. " I think we have gotten to that stage in our relationship where…"

Apartment starts to walk out

"Where you start spending time with my kid. I's like you to meet Kid Cuddi."

A small girl with bling the size of Lady Gaga's hats, devil horns, an oversized hoodie, and a microphone, suddenly appears from behind Cuddy's legs. It jumps up on Cuddy's desk and starts rapping:

"Day and Nite…"

Then it just goes into this beat boxing thing where it spits into the microphone so much it just ends up spewing a straight line of drool then sits down to suck it's thumb.

"Devil horns? Really?" Apartment says

"You're watching her for the rest of the day" Cuddy says

**Later at a patient's room…**

Apartment walks in with Kid Cuddi strapped to his chest in a baby backpack thing, sucking on a hollowed out microphone filled with milk, so it's like a bottle with milk coming out the holes; now also sporting sunglasses with big money signs on each eye.

"What is that?" Fiveman asks.

"Crockey mate, thas the Devil 'es got 'ere!" says (…guess who. C'mon, really, it's not that hard.)

The patient starts seizing from the sight of Kid Cuddi, and no one takes notice.

"No." Apartment says dramatically. "It's Kid Cuddi"

BUM BUM BOMMMMMMMMMMM….

Then there is an extremely long gasp:

! ( lasts about 2 minutes)

Everyone turns around and stares.

A janitor pushing a janitor's cart who happened to be walking by stands there awkwardly, mouth agape (is that a word?).

"KEEP WALKIN' MOP BOY!" Apartment shouts.

Kid Cuddi spits fire at the janitor and he turns to ash.

The patient is still flopping around, now turning purple.

"That's not the devil! It's baby Jack Jack from the incredibles!" Says (need a nickname for Cameron, any suggestions welcome, but for now we'll call her Ron Weasley, because when I first started watching the show I kept getting the name Cameron confused with Carmen so I thought 'in came ron' like ron was walking into the room. Lame, I know) Ron Weasley.

"Stupid, this is clearly a girl." Says Dr. Apartment.

"Fine, Jackie Jackie then. She's Jackie Jackie from the Incredibles." Ron Weasley said.

"…not how that works" Apartment retorts.

Cuddy walks in "What is going on here! And what happened to the patient?"

The patient, now doing backflips through the ceiling and flashing different colored lights, monitor beeping like an Eminem song.

"NOOOOO!" Ron Weasley screams.

"Why do you have to yellllll? You know my ears are sensitive!" says a small orange oompa loompa with a bad haircut, walking, sorry _waddling_ in.

"Dr. Toes! You made it!" Apartment cheers.

" It's Taub. T-O-W-B. not that hard!"he says

"Sorry what was that? I heard toes. You're voice is so nasally, I can't tell." Says Apartment.

The patient is now lying on the bed in like 400 puzzle shaped pieces, the screen thing is showing this red flat line, and is now beeping a solid Lil Wayne song.

"NOOOOOOO!" screams Ron Weasly.

"WHAT NOW!" Everyone screams back

"THAT PUPPY!" Ron Weasly shouts, pointing out the window at a speck like ten stories down.

"He's eating garbage! Pollution! He could choke!" she shouts again.

"Nevermind that! He's pooping on MY hospital grounds!"

Everyone runs out of the room, arms aflailing (is that a word?)

Suddenly, something steps in front of them.

"What do you think you're doing?" Says this thing with the body of a man wearing a doctor's coat, but the head of a volleyball with the top looking like it erupted, and a bloody handprint for a face.

"WILLSSOOONNNN!" Apartment cries. "Get out of the way or I'll spit on you."

"Yeah, I'm your boss and I say MOVE!" Cuddy cries.

"You can't just leave your patient like that!" WILSON! insists.

"It's okay," Apartment says "I called in backup. I called in Dr. Dre and Dr. Seuss." Apartment pushes him out of the way.

Everybody runs to the puppy. Ron Weasley immediately picks it up and cuddles it. Little hearts float up off of her and the puppy looks like it's being strangled.

"I thought that only happens in anime." Apartment says to himself.

"NO POOP! NO POOP! NO POOP! " Cuddy sounds like a broken record yelling at the man who held the dog's leash. "EAT IT! EAT THE POOP!"

Suddenly the ground shakes and this giant blue thing comes out of the ground.

"TEN THOUSAND YEARRSSSSSSSS…."

He takes a look at everyone standing there.

"has made people a heck of a lot uglier…" it says.

"Who are you?" The dog asks.

"He's evil! Go Jackie Jackie!" says Ron Weasley.

Kid Cuddi fires up, ready to spit.

"NO Jackie Jackie!" says the blue thing. "I'll grant you 3 wishes…"

"OOH! You're from the Fairly Odd Parents!" Says Fiveman

"No way, he's the flying Dutchman" Says Squidward.

"How did Squidward get here?" Logic asks, who seems to have been absent in the rest of this story.

"NO!" Says the blue thing. " I am the genie from Aladin."

" Soo….you're Aladin." Says Fiveman.

Suddenly Toes runs up, panting. "Why do you have to run so faassttttt?" he whines.

"How can the dog talk?" asks Common Sense, also lacking inn this story.

"NO im not the Aladin! Why do people think that? Aladin was the boy who saved me from the lamp! The boy with the monkey who wears a hat and steals things? C'mon, anybody?"

"Then weren't you opened up less than 10,000 years ago?" Logic says again.

"Um, no. I say that every time. It's a very dramatic entrance, I've actually been opened up 38 ½ times. Long story."

"so why are you here anyway?" Apartment asks.

"Now Now, no need to get all athwack (THAT I know is not a word. It's my word. It means Amuck, which the actual definition for is to run around in a murderous frenzy) I am simply here because someone rubbed my lamp." The genie said.

Kid Cuddi giggles and pulls out a lamp. No, like an actual _lamp_. Ya kno, with a lightbulb? Anyway

"Where did THAT come from?" Apartment asks, looking down at his baby backpack that Kid Cuddi was sitting in.

"And where is it plugged in, mate?" says Guess Who (btw that's Chase).

Everyone just stares awkwardly for a minute, then Apartment whips out his cell phone and starts to dial.

"Who ya gonna call?" Cuddy asks.

Suddenly a poof of green smoke fills the air and a bunch of men fully covered from head to toe with ghostbusting equipment and world war 1 gas masks appear.

In the background, some hippie starts to sing:

"An invisible man

Sleepin in your bed.

Who ya gonna call?"

"Will you shut up?" Apartment says.

The men take vacuums off their back and suck up the geine.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" the genie says.

"YEESSSSSSS!" a ghostbuster cries. "The world is no place for you Smurf Impersonators."

" A what!" The genie screams from inside the vacuum pack.

"Have a dose of a

Freaky ghost bay- ba

Who ya gonna call?" the hippie sings.

Apartment throws a rock at him but the hippie deflects it with his bongos. Then Pocahontas hits the hippie from behind and he passes out.

"Hey there's a ghost over there!" says one of the ghostbusters, pointing to Kid Cuddi

"BLAST HIM!" screams another.

Suddenly Kid Cuddi speaks for the first time "BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!"

A green laser beam comes out of nowhere and takes Kid Cuddi.

"I always thought there was something odd about that child." Apartment says reflectively.

Suddenly Godzilla comes up out of nowhere, eats the ghostbusters, and then gets beamed up too.

" I was just calling to order pizza….." Apartment says.

THE END

EPILOUGE:

Everyone else just kinda stands there for a while, then Apartment gets bored so he eats Dr. Toes.

It turns out Dr. Apartment didn't actually call in Dr. Dre and Dr. Seuss. They were unavailable. Dr. Dre was taking a coffee break and Dr. Seuss was on maternity leave.

The Genie from Aladin rots in jail with other impersonators, including; Blue from Blues Clues, The Blue Man Group, and the entire cast of Avatar.

No one knows what happened to Kid Cuddi, but to this day, people still report sightings late at night…..


End file.
